Not a Blogger at heart
Suddenly remember I have this blog, and suddenly have an urge to write something.
But how should I even begin, what am I going to write?
Life of Me
I think I want to start by documenting my "Life" event, for the "fun" of it. There are many happenings in my life, good and bad ones. All in all, I have a tough life. Some events may be even too embarrassing to share openly, but alas, c'est la vie!
Those who happen to be reading this, please pardon any typo, bad writing and poor grammer.
I was thinking about some content or some context to write, for I like to be in control (whenever possible), I prefer everything to fall into their rightful place, I hate mess but sometime laziness gets the better of me.
I plan to zoom into a certain topic one at a time for this blog, taking it as a bio-diary for myself. But for a start, it will be a longer version.
For those who know me, what I am going to write may surprise you. Why, you may ask? One dear friend of my once told me almost 30 years ago, that she doesn't think of me like I have problems, she say that I (behaved) positively and am always happy. How I wish I am.
I consider myself very much of a thinker, sometimes outspoken, sometimes an introvert and nowadays I prefer to stay home staring at the tv with my favorite crime solving series and recently The Walking Dead. I believe being a Virgo has somehow outlined my character, I used to read my horoscope on a daily basis during my teens. Not sure if that helps to mould me into becoming "it" or it just make me see who I am. But as I grow, I grow out of it altogether.
But I still believe, once a Virgo, always a Virgo!
The Beginning
I was born in the beautiful era at the beginning of 70s, where everything is the "beginning" (at least in my eyes), so simple, so straigh forward). I was born into a "moderatly poor" family (at that time) in a 1 room flat. So my teens was in the 80s, the most happending Era!
The Parents
My mom was a hardworker, taking 1 full time job in a hospital and some part time odd jobs as and when they come by. My dad work and retired in his one and only job (I think). He is the BEST dad in my heart, he is gentle, kind hearted and no temper, which is the direct opposite of my mother. He was so "soft" as he was constanly being "bully" by my mom. I grew up watching her talking to him in a very "hostile" manner, when we were children, I dare not asked, I did eventually, after the age of 21, why she talks like that? Her reply is she is "use to it".... until now, nothing changed.
Home
We shifted briefly to Telok Ayer area some zinc roof houses, with 1 bedroom, 1 living room, 1 kitchen with backyard where my parents keep some chickens. My childhood flashcard memory is that yellow lightbulb, my pink wooden rocking horse, the main door, the bedroom, the kitchen, the barthroom and the backyard, and chicks!
Early 1976, we were asked by the Government to shift away to make way for building of the NUH. This takes us to Telok Blangah area, where we live since then. It's a good area, I love the abundant of trees at that area, eagle sighting, rainbow after the rain, daily mountain view, which I learn to appreciate and enjoy the beauty of nature till today.
Childhood
I spent my childhood weekends playing with cousins in my grandparents house nearby,weekday stay at home before and after school with my sisters. I have 2, 1 older and 1 younger. When we were kids, I didn't appreciate either one of them, I fight with the older one on and off, the younger one is with the nanny and she is a quiet girl and we didn't talk much I think. Until she attend primary school.
As the middle child, I was the naughty one, always create endless opportunities to eat "fried kuay teow" (from my mom of course), she is "crazy" when the cane is in her hand.
Kuay Teow Incident 1 : Primary 1, attended the same school as my older sister, according to what I know, she hates me for tailgating her back then, kinda funny thinking back now. One day, I was eating my home cooked food that was meant to be eaten during recess, but somehow, I don't know why I only eat it while waiting for the school bus to go home, I miss the bus entirely. So upon realising that the school bus left without me, I was hero enough to wanted to walk home thinking that it's actually quite nearby and I should know the way, luckily, at the main gate, the principal drove pass, saw me, ask me what happened, told her, and she offered to send me home. Upon reaching home, oops, I heard my mother yelling and canning my older sister for not looking after me.... I can "feel" that she hates me more now, hmm
Not long after, we changed to a primary school nearby my house. My result in Primary school is really pathetic, I can't seems to understand anything taught by the teachers, no tuition (no money) and mainly, no guidance. My Primary 6 form teacher told my mom that she was surprised that I managed to pass my PSLE, if I remember correctly, by a mere 3 credits. So, off to normal I go.
PS. If I were to study now, I am in trouble.
Kuay Teow Incident 2 : Upper Primary, I was playing with some school mates and cousins in and around school after school hours, never did I expect that she came with a cane looking for me, OMG, till today, my cousins are still talking and laughing about it.
There are many more Kuay Teow incidents, the feather duster does come into handy at time, one time, it was the pole.... not sure it's meant for me or for the stranger she is afraid that is following me home.
Secondary School - The Embarrassing Years
Secondary school time are real bad time of my life, it is a drag for me on almost a daily basis, not so much of results, but for my appearance and experience. I have this hideous mole that grew on my face, worse, it manage to find its way to the almost the middle of my forehead. Being still "childish", most students in school make fun of it, and it is the irritating type that gets bigger as you grow older. Not the tiny one that people find it cute and even "sexy" like the Hong Kong actress, but an horrible, horrible eye sore. My entire high school life was destroyed by it, I became very aware of people's stares, (nasty) names calling, etc. As a tender age back then, with no support from anybody, I cannot handle the stress and I became shy and my inferiority complex gets the better of me, I hated my life back then. I have difficulties dealing with puberty (this thing call "breast) and apperance issues.
I am not a tiny bit popoular in school. Oh well, at least that's how I feel. I could be wrong, but that's how I feel!
Bully Case 1 : Either Sec 2 or Sec 3, someone spat on my chair, it's not those plastic chair that we have nowadays, it's made out of compressed woodchips back then, so the saliva kinda form a deep color inprint on the chair base, a male classmate is kind enough to smell and confirmed that it's saliva. Of course, being me, I just change the chair (can't remember where I managed to find a spare one around), sit down and pretend that NOTHING ever happen, all these while, controlling my tears and have to endure stares and gossips from the others, including the one who did it. Luckily, I still have some friends back then, those who accept me for who I am.
Am wondering, am I the only one who remember this incident? How about the one who did this, does he or she feeling any guilt? Has he or she feel anything about making life difficult for someone else?
Polytechnic - The Discoverin Years
After secondary school, I managed to attend a local Polytechnic, life is a little bit better as I have grow to "accept" my fate and that I am much older now, but still not as good as it should be. The "bullying" sort of continue from some individual who stil think making fun of others makes them mighty at that age. But I noticed that I grew stronger, mentally.
Bully Case 2 : One incident that I did not forget though, on a certain V Day, this particular guy (or that group, I can't really remember) bought one stalk of rose for each and every female classmate in my class, except me. Alas, deja vu. Nevermind, it won't kill me, just to embarrass me, think it's their motive. What made him target me? Hmmm.... not sure, I think it's after he tored off 1 of my lab worksheet (he forgets to brings his) and I shouted at him to return it to me. Anyway, remember I am not those popoular kind of girl in school? I am more like a backdrop, a prop. No one will take notice. No big deal, am a Virgo who does not like to be in the lime light anyway.
To be continue....
